10 Ways My "Mom Tribe" Changed Me
I rolled up in my SUV-turned-mom-mobile scared out of my mind three weeks postpartum.
baby in hand.
Diaper bag, check. Extra change of clothes, check. Nursing cover, check. Wipes and diapers, check. Seven changing pads so my new born wouldn't touch anything remotely unsanitary... check.
I mustered all of my new born grogginess and dug deep. After 3 cups of coffee were efficiently pulsing through my veins I mustered the strength I needed, slapped on some lipstick, hiked up my stretchy pants and waltzed right into my first ever mom's group experience.
I was Totally clueless as to how this unique breed of females interacted with each other.
I walked in the front door like a deer in headlights, immediately greeted by the kindest face who removed one brick of my wall of defense that I had erected. I was ushered into the big open room where the church's mom's meeting was held. I held my breath desperate to quickly pick up on culturally appropriate mom cues.
Could I change my baby in here? What if my nipple popped out while I wrestled with my worthless nursing cover? What if my baby made too much noise? What if I recognized someone, would they judge me for being twenty pounds heavier than normal? What if my child slipped out of the baby wrap I still couldn't quite figure out?
No one prepares you as a first time mom that these RIDICULOUS fears will even be a thought.
One minute you're drinking a labor inducing banana smoothie swooning over freshly pressed baby onesies and the next minute all you can think about is the speed and frequency of which milk spews from your chest and making sure your child is still breathing when they are asleep.
Like a flip of a switch - everything changes once that baby takes their first breath. If the light turns on and you find yourself all alone in this foreign place called Motherhood, things get dicey. Fast.
If however, you discover other mommas surrounding you when the light flips on - your adventure of Motherhood awaits filled with cheerleaders, coaches, and fun travel companions.
linking arms to navigate the twists and turns ahead.
Showing up to my church's mom's group meeting that rainy day with my three week old baby changed everything. It set me on a trajectory of motherhood founded on real community, life giving instruction, and a whole lot of seasoned moms who had been there, done that. I started attending as a clueless first time mom and stuck around for two years all the while growing as a mom, wife and friend.
social media has done a better job of isolating us than connecting us.
Do you spend more time face to face with mom friends or screen to screen?
Hey - I'm guilty of it too. Nothing, I repeat NOTHING replaces the power of real life community where you can LOL, wipe each other's tears, and make postpartum padcicles together. (If you're out of the loop about the glory of padcicles and plan on giving birth to more children, do yourself a favor and do a quick search on Pinterest.)
There are more, but here are my top 10 ways committing to a mom tribe changed me.
1.) I know where to look for answers. (Ps. it's Not Google)
Befriending other moms, especially those who have been a mom longer than me is like being BFF with Google itself. My first ask is always to my group of mom friends. Not only are they excited to help, but since I trust their opinion they vet out most bad advice for me in advance.
2.) I am crazy resourceful.
Remember the Proverbs 31 woman? She sees her trading is profitable, she helps the needy, she makes clothing and bedsheets, she makes food for everyone, she does something cool with wool and flax? Moms are the most creative resourceful people on the planet.
Being around a life giving group of moms has helped me save money, get creative teaching my child important principles and skills (like potty training!). I'm more apt to find ways to use what I already have on hand verses looking for the quick fix.
Thank the Lord for Amazon Prime for the enigmas I can't figure out ;).
3.) I am more generous.
The moms I've gotten to know are also the most generous. Despite having jobs, multiple kids, dealing with illness, and personal challenges they always seem to have room to help their tribe. Whether it's meals, child care or emergency coffee runs. I've been inspired to look beyond myself more often and seek out ways I can serve too.
4.) I never feel alone.
Ever had those moments where you don't know who to call? Investing in relationships are risky. We are all human and bound to hurt each other once in a while. The price of friendship FAR outweighs any small offense. I have a tribe I can call and I know who will listen to what I have to say, and offer me truthful encouragement when needed.
5.) I don't freak out. (As often.)
Meeting with a group of 100+ moms every week you hear a lot of stories. There are a million variations of normal. I've credited this group with encouraging my free range parenting attitude. Even if being more of a lax parent is not your style, when my toddler refuses to eat or goes through another sleep regression, I don't freak out. I know that in time most things will work themselves out with consistent parenting (and lots of prayer!).
6.) I enjoy my child.
Having intentional conversations about parenting and being able to put them to practice makes me love and appreciate my daughter even more. Growing in parenting knowledge and being equipped with tools help me notice the special attributes and quirks about my child making spending time together an opportunity to learn rather than a burden to carry.
7.) I grow as a leader.
Moms are leaders. Being a part of a mom group has challenged me in my leadership and I've been healthfully challenged as a result. Leadership skills is not just for corporate America, it's for building families that change the world around them.
8.) I have life long friends.
Breastfeeding, spit up, schooling decisions, and challenging kids have a way of bonding people. My mom tribe friends will be lifelong, extending to when our own kids are out of the house. I envision attending friend's kid's graduations, confirmations, and weddings.
That is a rich life if you ask me.
9.) I have built in mentors for my child.
I can't sew a button on a shirt. Finance is my least favorite subject. Thankfully I have mom friends who excel in the areas of my weakness. So when my two year old starts showing signs of entrepreneurship I'm going to send her to my friend Megan for some real life finance lessons. When she wants to get all artsy fartsy I'm sending her to my friend Jersi. You get the point. We can't be all things to our kids - but they can learn from our trusted friends who can impart truth and important skills in a unique way more so than we can at times.
Let's be honest, when we were young our parents didn't know much. On the other hand our cool friend's mom seemed to have it all figured out...
10.) I want more kids.
Jeez. Mom's groups are breeding ground for children. It's like they all drink from the same water spiked with fertile fairy dust. This group of moms see kids as a blessing and a gift. They nurture each new life that enters their family. Sure, it's not easy, but these mommas are secure in their role during the intense motherhood season to raise up disciples who love God, contribute to society, and change the world.
I want to change the world, but I want my kids to do an even better job.
The more the merrier, right?
Finding your tribe
Maybe you're thinking, "Brooke, that's great for you but I don't have a mom tribe!"
Here's where you can start today.
- Your local church. If they don't have a mom's ministry try starting a small group with a book study geared towards moms. Invite moms in your neighborhood, church, work, or moms you meet at the coffee shop, gym, park or library.
- (Locals) Substance Church in Minneapolis has a fantastic mom's ministry. is an international group of moms who meet on a regular basis.
- Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) is another great community to find other faith filled moms.
- Moms on the Run has groups that meet throughout the country based around running.
Where are you at on your journey to finding a mom tribe?
Train in your Lane,